Martha Stewart is looking for a new cell mate

Since I'm hooked on the Apprentice, I had to see the other apprentice, Martha Stewart.

What did I notice from the first episode? Apart from the bitchy women, and the Will & Grace style men (Gay per View?), and obvious lack a Black people (Would not match with the furniture, Martha?), was the Zen like boardroom. Oh, lest not we forget to write a letter to the loser, Mr. Hitler Manager. So polite, this Martha.

Now the Donald, he rocks. He's got the hair. He has George & Carolyn. He has the big bucks. The tasks are real. Write a kids book? Come on, get real.

What are the future tasks for the Martha Clones?

-Martha & Halliburton join forces and the teams have to create exploding flower arrangement. Proceeds go to the Bush Administration.
-Inspired by the Monty Python schetch "Crunchy Frog", the teams have to create Hors d'Oeuvres from small amphibians.
-The Teams have to have the perfect Tea Party. Trouble begins when only coffee cups can be found. Oh, the madness!
-The teams are challenged to break out of a minimum security jail (Club Fed). They are given tableware & flowers to accomplish their task.

Let's hope the winner does a hostile takover. Now that I would watch!

Geriatric Rock Stars need new blood

Well...it sure was better than Canadian Idol! The last thing we needed was a Whitney Houston wannabee singing New Sensation.

Nice to know a fellow Canadian beat an Aussie.

Actually, this will surely boost INXS from their old folks home back into the limelight. OK OK, I'm being hard on the mates. It's nice to see that music lives on, beyond the age of 30. In fact, considering the young crop of musicians these days, maybe the 80s weren't so bad after all.

Now, let's see. What other band should be boot out the lead singer. I would say Guns & Roses (most annoying front-man), but with Velvet Revolver, we got our wish.

Here is a list of the bands I would like to see changes:

• Yoko Ono replaced by Lucy Lui
• Oasis need a new lead singer that doesn't think he's bigger than the Beatles.
• Def Leppard can keep the drummer, let's just audition for the arm!
• Backstreet Boys adds William Hung
• 50 Cent holds concert in a dollar store, with Nickelback. The band would be called 45 Cent
• Rolling Stones merge with Styx...Becomes Styx & Stones
• Michael Stipe joins Tears for Fears...Becomes Tears for Queers

Give me your suggestions! Leave a comment.

The death of MTV Canada

I cancelled my Satellite dish for the summer. No sense staying indoors to watch re-runs! Just got my signal back this week (saved $150 for 3 months!) and of course, being DJ Randal, I tuned in to MTV Canada.

What? What is this Razer & Much Punch? Guess I'm canceling those channels ASAP! Razer features the worst of MTV Canada, and Much Punch is just a weird pay chatting channel.

All in all, I have to say that I was guilty of watching MTV2 during commercials, and it was nice to get to know new and popular music. I used some songs during my DJ sets, and I stayed abuzz with the younger crowd. I would not say that MTV was my station, because I rarely listen to rap and the alternative I do listen to, does not revolve around the 50 bands that sound like Eddie Vedder on valium. My favorite band right now is Clutch. Now that rocks.

I guess we are back to radio for cool new tunes. Too bad Henry Rollins no longer broadcasts Harmony in my head, which featured punk, along side Jazz, Funk, Eclectic, etc. Contact me if you want some MP3's of his shows. They are pretty good, and as always, Henry is the quintessential storyteller (Sorry VH1, you got beat!).

So will Canada recover from the loss of MTV? Are we stuck with Much Music?

I for one, will call StarChoice and cancel Razer & Punch Much. Actually, if I could punch Much...I would!

Let's support the local music scene. Canada has great up and coming bands. I heard Coldplay raved about Arcade Fire. There is my blog about Stars. What about The Stills? Saw them with Kevin Jenne during the Strut party at the Rialto. How about some old school stuff: Me Mom & Morgentaler (Where are they now?), Deja Voodoo (Started the OG record label. Interesting article about where these guys are now), Condition, The Gruesomes (saw them with Sean Ryan at Cafe Campus a while ago. Still rocking!), Sons of the Desert (Strange memorabilia, I have the singers driver's license. ), The Doughboys, Stellar Dweller, Tinker (Melissa Auf Der Maur started there), Slaves on Dope, Bootsause, The Asexuals, Disapointed a Few People, etc.

For an interesting article on the Montreal Scene (Click here)

I remember seeing the Gruesomes along with Deja Voodoo at Foufoune Electrique when I was a pimple nosed kid. I had a broken leg and I spray painted my cast for the occasion. Deja Voodoo opened and where great. Gerald kept head banging and losing his nerd glasses. It was classic. The Gruesomes came on after and rocked the place. You have to love those haircuts!

Forget MTV. Cancel Razer. Let's support the real artists, the ones from our own home town.

Buy a CD just because you love the cover art. Only listen to it at home. That is musical adventure.

Mahalo

iTunes on your mobile phone!

Motorola ROKR

Motorola and iTunes have teamed up to bring you a cell phone with iTunes, so you can listen to your music anywhere.

The unit comes with space for about 100 songs. It will pause during calls and resume upon hanging up. It is GSM 850/1900/1800 and comes with Stereo speakers. Bluetooth capable.

OK...What else do you want to have in your mobile phone? Here is my wish list:

• Mini Microwave (Make popcorn at the movies and save big $$$)
• Invisibility button (Hit it when your boss starts looking for you to do some overtime)
• Megaphone (Be heard everywhere!)
• Bill Zaper (Fry those Visa bills to oblivion)
• Contraceptive (Dial *nobaby)
• Babelfish (Watch foreign movies without having to read)
• Human mute (Hit the button and that annoying customer/coworker is muted...Just say uh-huh every few minutes)
• Radar detector (Get to work faster)

Let me know your requests. I'll speak to Motorola for ya.

New Orleans is Sinking Man & I Don't Wanna Swim

Is New Orleans going to be the modern Atlantis? Check out some interesting articles on Disinformation about what is really going on down in the South.

Just think, you have all those junkies, pimps, prostitutes, and alcoholics with no way to get their fix. Looting is the new sport. Scum rises to the top!

As far as JW news goes, JWMedia reports that relief should be underway as soon as damages can be assessed. Some from New Orleans where in Beaumont Texas for an assembly, therefore were not there when the storm hit. I guess attending our meetings is a protection.

There are some emails floating around with specific news on the what is happening, but I don't like to SPAM, especially when I don't truly know the source. You will probably get a few copies anyways, before long.

Who knew that our beloved Canadian band The Tragically Hip would forewarn us of this event! What other predictions do they have from song titles?

Gus: The Polar Bear from Central Park (And we thought the squirrels where a pest!)
Nautical Disasters (Cancel that cruise!)
Butts Wigglin (Stay away from the Gym)
Locked in the trunk of a car (Resist the urge to crawl in there)
Pigeon Camera (Is Canon working on this? Kodak?)
When the weight comes down (Predicted Atkins?)
All Canadian Surf Club (Could happen if the whole USA goes under!)

Stay tuned on the tunes...

Learn French from Batman

Is Quebec French the real French? How does it compare to French from France.

Let Batman be your guide.

French lessons from Batman

You will need flash for this.

I gotta go. Got to go to the Bat-room....hahaha

RAZRBerry

For those of you, who like me, love gadgets. No...Let me rephrase that. I love my wife and kids, I like gadgets (I'm sick of sleeping on the couch :). For those of you who like gadgets (Or love if you are single or love to sleep on the couch), here is what leaked from Microsoft.

Introducing the coolest cell phone. Part Motorola RAZR, part Blackberry.

I have often been asked, why I still carry a cell phone and my Palm Tungsten. I know the Treo well... I have had to return a few from customers. Great little machine, but seems prone to freezing up. Palm One is great with warranty replacement, but what happens when your warranty is up? I was looking at the RAZR, but it lacks the email capability which I am coming to depend on more and more.

When will it be our? No one knows. If you want more info and specs, check out:

Link to RAZRBerry

Attack of the (Credit Card) Clones

Well...It seems that Wendy got her Visa Card Cloned. If you thought cloning a sheep was a miracle, getting money out of my full Visa has to rank right up there too!

For once, it pays to have a full credit card.

Some tips to remember:

Keep your card in sight. Check your monthly statements. Keep your PIN to yourself. Some will work in teams, the clerk clones your card and the guy in line behind you looking at your PIN.

Is it time to be paranoid? Maybe.

Do I still buy stuff off the Internet and eBay? Yep.

Now, if you find a way to clone people, let me know. I'd love to have my clone go to work, while I sit with my wife on the beach on the French Riviera, sipping Champagne by the moonlight (Her clone is ironing my shirts back at home...).