Adobe Acrobat Activation Hell - How I spent my summer vacation

I have a client who has Acrobat 8 Standard. Her PC died and when I installed Acrobat using her serial number, we were told that activation failed.

I call the Activation center number, and after a half hour wait, I had to leave to do something else. I called again about 1 hour later. After listening to agonizing New Age Music for another half hour, they hung up on me. AARRRGGG!

I settled in for another try. Prepared with drinks, snacks and making sure I had no urge to use the bathroom (because you know they would pick up while I'm there and promptly hang up!), I bravely went back to Easy Listening Elevator Music for the Insane. The temptations were great to jump into the pool, do actual work, or make other calls, but I simply could not abandon my quest. My mind wandered, thinking of all the productive things I could do. I wondered why an honest customer was automatically assumed to be a pirate with copy protection schemes. I knew that getting a keygen would take a matter of minutes and I would be done, I would be free to follow other pursuits...but no. I'm doing the right thing, following the rules. The minutes turned into hours. The infernal music playing mind games with me...am I slowly going insane? Am I really in an elevator and this desk is just an illusion? Which floor was I going to?

I soon ran out of water and snacks. The hunger pains were sharp, but I couldn't leave. They would pick up at that time right? I started eating some my tax papers. Expensive yes, but not tasty. The visions started getting stronger. The elevator doors opened, but I was unable to exit. I ran towards the exit, but it kept getting farther and farther in some distorted 3D nightmare. A call came through, and I did the unthinkable...I put Adobe on hold. Quickly losing the other call, I returned to Adobe and the terrifying sounds of the elevator. But the illusion was broken by the call. The doors openned and reality came back into view. This is what I saw:

I had just wasted 3 hours, 21 minutes and 27 seconds of my life. Time I could have spent with family, friends, heck...even enemies would have been better! Those dreadful songs etched in my memory forever. Will it ever end? Those 3 plus hours drained my energy, my joy and my respect for copy protection.

I ended it all. No...my life continues, but Adobe's torture was ended.

I now have 29 more days to prepare for the next call. Here is my top 10 list of what is needed BEFORE a call to Adobe is made:

10. A comfy chair...something you might be able to sleep in a half awake state.

9. A sharp object (not too sharp) to bring you back to reality and remind you that you can feel something else than utter confusion and frustration.

8. An iPod on stand-by with de-hypnotizing music to counter the effects of the New Age Elevator Music of Despair. I suggest some Clash and Ramones.

7. Bar fridge with cool beverages. You don't want to dehydrate during your journey to activation.

6. Exercise list to combat the risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis. Nothing like dying from a blood cloth while on hold to ruin your day.

5. Port-a-potty. Relief is just inches away!

4. Bonzai tree starter kit. Takes a lifetime to grow...you are bound to get off to a good start.

3. Anger management tips - for when and if they eventually pick up.

2. Masseuse - hire a massage therapist to come once a day to relieve tension while awaiting activation zen.

1. Conjugal visits. Activation does not mean abstinence. Just remember to pay attention to the music...

Thanks Adobe for giving me something to do on my summer vacation!