Genius Bar doesn't have happy hour.

Confession: I'm a Mac fanboy. I'm a Dell reseller, but for myself...it's all MAC baby!

What's not to love! The style, the simplicity, the design all speak to me. All is perfect, till something breaks.

I love the concept of the genius bar - an assortment of clone-like geeks ready to answer your questions, unlock the Mac secret key combinations that will revive your unit or perform a repair.

The experience begins with the walk up the glass castle stairs. With each step, your head gets a little lighter, as the altitude (or is that attitude) kicks in. With my broken laptop, I go up to the Genius Bar. All the stools are taken by Macoholics who are just trying to get some attention from the Genius Bartender. Oh? I need to make a reservation? I have to see a Concierge? What is this, a hotel? The Concierge informs me that I can schedule a 15 minute Genius Bar session, but they are currently overloaded, so it will be in a couple of days. Arrive early, so you can wait, but don't arrive late, because we don't wait for you!

Walking back down the glass stairs, getting glassy stares from the Macbots working the floor, I leave feeling dry and unsatisfied.

Two days later, I enter the Mac Store again, this time with the knowledge that I will be served a cool one (cool Macspert with clammy hands). I am 15 minutes early according to the rules. The wait is longer because of the anticipation. Finally, an Apple appointed Genius invites me to the bar. He inspects my Macbook and it's clear that the hard drive is defective, but under warranty. Great! I will just leave the laptop here, pick it up when it's done, right? NO. I am informed that I have to leave again with my defective Macbook and wait by the phone till this Genius calls me to let me know when the part will come in.

At this point, I can only compare this to going to a restaurant.

"Do you have a reservation, sir?"

"No, but I'm here, I can wait a little."

"Please see our hostess and she can help you make a reservation."

"But I'm hungry now!"

"You can eat in two days."

Two days later.

"Do you have a reservation, sir?"

"Yes, yes, yes...please let me eat, I'm so hungry!"

"Please sit down sir, what would you like to eat?"

"Can I have the steak?"

"I'm sorry, although most of our customers order steak, we don't have any in stock. Please leave, and we will call you when your steak is ready. Goodbye!"

Second time at the Genius Bar, and it's NOT happy hour. I leave again, unsatisfied, to wait on the phone for them to get a hard drive...one of the most replaced parts on a laptop no less! What has this cost me so far? I've spent $12 on parking (2 x $6), and wasted half an hour the first time, three quarters of an hour the second time. This does not include the time it took to get there, find parking, and return to my work.

Of course, but the time my "steak" came, I was out of the country, so I'm still stuck with a dead Macbook. I will have to repeat the procedure again on my next return because after a few days, they will ship the "steak" back to the mother-ship.

Honestly...it doesn't take a GENIUS to figure out that this BAR is not working. I could have gone down the street with my broken Macbook, had a pint of Guinness and I would have ended up with the same result, although I would feel satisfied and refreshed.

Next time your Macbook breaks down, visit a local Pub...the Genius Bar doesn't have happy hour!

Adobe Acrobat Activation Hell - How I spent my summer vacation

I have a client who has Acrobat 8 Standard. Her PC died and when I installed Acrobat using her serial number, we were told that activation failed.

I call the Activation center number, and after a half hour wait, I had to leave to do something else. I called again about 1 hour later. After listening to agonizing New Age Music for another half hour, they hung up on me. AARRRGGG!

I settled in for another try. Prepared with drinks, snacks and making sure I had no urge to use the bathroom (because you know they would pick up while I'm there and promptly hang up!), I bravely went back to Easy Listening Elevator Music for the Insane. The temptations were great to jump into the pool, do actual work, or make other calls, but I simply could not abandon my quest. My mind wandered, thinking of all the productive things I could do. I wondered why an honest customer was automatically assumed to be a pirate with copy protection schemes. I knew that getting a keygen would take a matter of minutes and I would be done, I would be free to follow other pursuits...but no. I'm doing the right thing, following the rules. The minutes turned into hours. The infernal music playing mind games with me...am I slowly going insane? Am I really in an elevator and this desk is just an illusion? Which floor was I going to?

I soon ran out of water and snacks. The hunger pains were sharp, but I couldn't leave. They would pick up at that time right? I started eating some my tax papers. Expensive yes, but not tasty. The visions started getting stronger. The elevator doors opened, but I was unable to exit. I ran towards the exit, but it kept getting farther and farther in some distorted 3D nightmare. A call came through, and I did the unthinkable...I put Adobe on hold. Quickly losing the other call, I returned to Adobe and the terrifying sounds of the elevator. But the illusion was broken by the call. The doors openned and reality came back into view. This is what I saw:

I had just wasted 3 hours, 21 minutes and 27 seconds of my life. Time I could have spent with family, friends, heck...even enemies would have been better! Those dreadful songs etched in my memory forever. Will it ever end? Those 3 plus hours drained my energy, my joy and my respect for copy protection.

I ended it all. No...my life continues, but Adobe's torture was ended.

I now have 29 more days to prepare for the next call. Here is my top 10 list of what is needed BEFORE a call to Adobe is made:

10. A comfy chair...something you might be able to sleep in a half awake state.

9. A sharp object (not too sharp) to bring you back to reality and remind you that you can feel something else than utter confusion and frustration.

8. An iPod on stand-by with de-hypnotizing music to counter the effects of the New Age Elevator Music of Despair. I suggest some Clash and Ramones.

7. Bar fridge with cool beverages. You don't want to dehydrate during your journey to activation.

6. Exercise list to combat the risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis. Nothing like dying from a blood cloth while on hold to ruin your day.

5. Port-a-potty. Relief is just inches away!

4. Bonzai tree starter kit. Takes a lifetime to grow...you are bound to get off to a good start.

3. Anger management tips - for when and if they eventually pick up.

2. Masseuse - hire a massage therapist to come once a day to relieve tension while awaiting activation zen.

1. Conjugal visits. Activation does not mean abstinence. Just remember to pay attention to the music...

Thanks Adobe for giving me something to do on my summer vacation!

American Idolatry

For some odd reason, I got sucked into American Idol-atry this season. The show to me is part car crash (can't help but stare at the incompetence), part Whitney Houston wannabes, and part real talent.

My favorites this year are:

Adam Lambert
Allison Iraheta

I'm sure both of them will have long careers.

Anoop Desai & Megan Joy were also fun to watch. Looking forward to hearing what Megan will do on her own.

Of course the winner was Kris Allen. I enjoyed his stuff, but I wouldn't buy an album by him. He is pretty good, but not my style.

The question is, why did Adam lose to Kris? If you look at the iTunes stats (released by mistake), you can clearly see Adam outselling everyone else. Matt is in last place.

Could the results be the influence of Vote for the Worst website? They wanted to sway the vote for Matt, then Cokey (calling him a woman's feminine hygiene product), then finally Kris. The site leaves no doubt about Adam's preferences, calls her Paula Rehabdul, has the mug shot of Jesse who was arrested for driving on a suspended license...everything you need to know about the show!

But the single most interesting thing about this show that surprised me, was how nice most of the top contestants were. Even after winning, Kris would ask for applause to his runner up Adam, when on the talk show tours. It's refreshing to see a bunch of kids that seem to show respect, honor and good sportsmanship.

I just wonder how long till they turn DIVA on us. "I asked for ONLY blue M&M's in my trailer!"

Swine flu in Mexico

Alot of people are asking me: How bad is it in Mexico?

Well...no cases in our area. I think the pandemic is not the disease, but it's the fear that Americans will leave the country and spend some money in Mexico! Ah...the propaganda machine hard at work. Scare scare scare the flock.

This video shows you what is really up in Puerto Vallarta.

Swine Virus in Mexico - got bacon?

Two days after arrival in Montreal, the news was inundated with stories about the Swine Virus in Mexico. How do I feel about this issue, a Canadian spending lots of time in Bucerias, Mexico?

Mexico is getting a bad rap these days. It started with the violence in border states, which is a real problem, but does not affect us here in Bucerias, Mexico (which is as far from the border as Seattle!). Like everyone, you take safety precautions in everyday situations. Most of this violence is related to drugs...so don't take drugs and you will likely avoid much of these issues. Don't go after Mexican women, you might feel the wrath of a over protective brother trying to preserve the "Virgin Mary" reputation of his sister. Do I feel safe in Bucerias, yes. Safer than any major US city for sure.

The press always take a story, injects fear in it, and presents it to the viewer. "Find out how spaghetti can cause spontaneous combustion in adults...film at 11h00." Let's face it, news is all about fear, so they can sell their ads.

I don't want to catch the Swine Virus. I have been having "weird" cravings for bacon, but don't take me behind the barn and shoot me just yet! If you think about it, there have been close to 150 deaths in Mexico City, but the population is over 18 million! If we go back to the violence in Mexico, according to this blog 5,612 people have died in 2008, executed because of the drug war.

According to CNN, swine flu is more contagious, but I'm still flying back to my family on Thursday. Am I scared? Not really. Might have to have some Tequila to kill disinfect myself, but I'll live.